Today is National Sibling Day! Actually only in 27 states this happens, considering that I didn't even know that the holiday even existed until I saw it on Oprah today. On her show today her entire audience was filled with siblings. Her guests on the show today included stories of twins, triplets, sextuplets, formerly conjoined twins, and then she had the Huckaby siblings. Although no multiple births in this family, they are unique in that of the eight siblings, four of them are gay. They all grew up in a very conservative Catholic family and no one knew who was gay growing up because it was never spoken about. It wasn't until the first son came out in 1985 did the doors open for the rest to follow. Oprah spoke with 3 of the four gay brothers and 2 of the straight siblings. One of the gay brothers, Jody, is now the Executive Director of PFLAG.
This story hit home for me because of my relationship with my only sibling. I have a sister who is a year and half younger than me and we have always had a rocky relationship. Over the years our relationship gets better as we get older but in the beginning it was horrible. We fought constantly and it was the often the cause of much stress for my parents. Although my coming out has always been a sore subject in my relationship with my sister. Even though we were raised in a very tolerant household, I think somewhere along the line my sister harbors some resentment that I turned out the way I am. I try to ignore it, but she is my family and I do truly love her. And as much as I hate to admit it, I care about what she thinks about me.
From as far back as I can remember my sister has never taken any interest in any of my artistic pursuits. I can count on one hand how many plays she has actually come to see me in (without having to be dragged by another family member). When asked why it was always “because I don’t care about what you do!” When I lost my job last year and decided to go to film school, she never once said “good for you” or “good luck”. It was more like “what are you going to do for money?” or “why are you going to do that?” I think most of the time she simply ignores the fact that I’m gay. She never acknowledges any of my relationships with men (even if they are just friends). Or if I want to tell her about someone I met, she finds a reason to change the subject. I used to think that she doesn’t want me to be happy, but I think now it’s just she wants me to be happy in her way (i.e. straight, married to a woman, with children). So for the time being my being gay is usually the “pink elephant” in the room that she refuses to talk about.
That’s why this story about the Huckaby family hit home for me because it reminded me of the relationship I wish I could have with my one sibling. The straight sister who appeared with her straight brother and 3 gay brothers said that she at first had a hard time accepting her gay brothers, but realized that it wasn’t a choice and that it was just the way they were born. Even though deeply religious, she prayed to find love instead of judgment in her heart for her brothers. Eventually she let love take over unconditionally.
Surprisingly it’s my sister’s daughter, aged 16, who is totally accepting of my being gay more than her mother has ever been. My niece will often ask me if I met any nice guys lately. She congratulated me when I got an “A” for my documentary and told me how proud she was of me. When I broke up with my partner of four years, it was my niece, then age 11, who offered a kind word of hope and encouragement. She is very wise beyond her young years and I am blessed to have her in my life. That’s not to say that I’m not blessed to have my sister, but I wish she could love me unconditionally like my niece.
I know that she will never read this posting. She's going through a lot at the moment. She hasn’t even seen my documentary yet, even though my mother and niece have watched it. I love and support my dear sister, warts and all. I hope that one day it can be reciprocal. Who knows maybe one day she will see the light and join a PFLAG chapter in her state of residence? I love her, but I'm not going to hold my breath for that to happen.
In any case, Happy Sibling Day Monica. I Love you for better or for worse!
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